A number of years ago, I went to Mexico with a team of men to finalize a deal with a major European energy company. It was my chance to prove myself on an international deal. I had prepared day and night. We strode into the meeting room, the men shook hands, and I stuck out my hand as well. Then opposing counsel did something very unexpected: he kissed me solidly on the cheek. In an instant, my confidence drained away. For the next few hours, I fumbled and stammered and was useless to my team. I couldn’t believe a stranger in a business context would be so forward, so intimate.
That was my first lesson on the importance of cultural training to be successful, as culture impacts not only day-to-day interactions but also operations and governance practices.
When I returned to Mexico earlier this year on a long-term assignment, one of the first things I requested was cultural coaching. Topic 1: Mastering the Mexican kiss. The coaches were bemused. What was the fuss? Everyone kissed everyone all the time. But we managed to uncover some unspoken rules: women should never refuse a kiss but it’s okay to be remote when someone you consider inappropriate kisses you. My husband should kiss my female colleagues but not my boss’s wife unless she indicates it is okay. It felt confusing, but one of the coaches gave me the best advice ever: People respect you for trying. You won’t get it right every time, so loosen up. It’s not about you.
It’s also difficult to overcome my own cultural norms. I am reminded of another meeting, this time in India. I was the team leader, travelling with two men. I had done my homework, so I wasn’t surprised when one of the men across the table excluded me from the initial round of handshakes. But when the same man ignored my presentation, and instead, kept deferring to my colleagues, we didn’t have a proper backup plan. One colleague kept trying to include me in the conversation while the other fumbled to remember the points I was supposed to cover. I’m afraid we came across as disorganized and defensive, rather than professional.
As Canadians, we have more cultural intelligence than other more homogenous countries, but I still find myself inadvertently drift into comparing the foreign situation with how we do things at home. Recently, I was reviewing a foreign language contract. Where we would define a term and use it consistently in a document, what I found was every possible synonym for “damages” sprinkled throughout. So I started to redraft the document. A law student intern walked in. He was genuinely alarmed at what I proposed to do. “It’s a legal document, not a grocery list,” he said. Apparently in Spanish it is considered bad drafting to use the same word twice in a sentence or paragraph. I realized, once again, I was trying to fit my cultural norm into a situation where it was not appropriate.
Maybe that is what I find most difficult about being a lawyer in another country. I work for a Canadian company, so to a certain extent I need to bring a Canadian perspective to the work I do. But I live in a different culture, and it is not always my job to show people a new way of doing business or practicing law.
What I am learning is that cultural intelligence is a lot about humility, to being open to differences and being wrong often. And to laugh and say “show me that again” instead of being offended or offering a “better” way. What I am learning is that there are many ways to get to a goal, and to appreciate the kisses along the way.
Note: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and not those of her employer.
Patricia Osoko is the Legal Director for ATCO México, where she supports operations in energy infrastructure and modular construction, as well as new growth opportunities. She also leads Silver Birch Innovations, where she studies and implements innovation and cultural transformation through digital reinvention, policy and process restructuring. Connect with her on LinkedIn.